Most upvoted comment
Whats the silliest fight you’ve ever been in?(r/AskReddit)
Yes, I Cheated On You
Is that what you wanted to hear?
Because deep down you know that
it’s true, right? Clearly I’m unfaithful.
No, I didn’t cheat on you, dipshit,
but I will if you keep it up. Stop
looking for signs that aren’t
there—sexts and e-mails, late night
phone calls—excuses to be unhappy.
If I wanted to fuck somebody else
I’d dump your ass. Where do you
suppose I would find the time to
cheat on you? The fourteen hours
a week we do not spend together
perhaps? Or maybe when you’re
in the bathroom? Yeah, that has
to be it: I can’t wait for you to
go to the bathroom so I can sneak
off and fuck my other girlfriend.
If only you had a smaller bladder,
I could cheat on you more often.
*edited to give BM some more love. Buy his book!