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TIL When you are ignored by a person whose attention means the most to you, the reaction in your brain will be similar to physical pain.(r/todayilearned)
And this feeling is even greater in people identifying as having ‘Codependent’ personalities:
From this page:
- I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
- My unselfishness is often misconstrued or misperceived with negative results.
- I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
- I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
- I compromise my own values and integrity too much, to avoid rejection or anger.
- I put aside my own interests too much in order to do what others want.
- I am hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
- I freely offer advice and direction to others without being asked.
- I become resentful when others decline my help or reject my advice.
- I can defiantly take care of myself without any help from others, but
- I believe most people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
- I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
- I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve, but at the same time:
- I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
- I think ‘The more I suffer, the more it shows I really care’
Some things to consider:
For those of you who are thinking that these excerpts apply to you, click on the link and check the full list. If some most of them apply to you, do some research on your own, whether that’s a coda meeting, buying a book, or just reading some more literature. I know you’ll feel a lot better soon.
I have felt more caring and compassion at CoDA meetings than I ever have with most people. We’re nice, we promise!
Most people deal with their codependency with a particular drug of choice, whether it’s liquor, wine, beer, porn, coke, pot, food, or exercise. Honesty time: Mine is food.
So, either type of Jameson (Jenna or liquor) listed elsewhere in this comment section may help cover up those feelings, but only for a bit.
As for God: All that’s required is just a ‘higher power’. I’m an atheist; I still go. I replace it with ‘Nature’ or ‘The Universe’. Anyone who admonishes you for not believing in their God is acting inappropriately, really. Really.
A great book, it really helped me: Codependent No More
This does not demonize consideration or empathy. People who are codependent can’t help feeling this way, to a fault. We ‘help until it hurts’, and we can’t stop. A balance is crucial, and the program is helping me find the right balance.
If you don’t feel this way, please don’t criticize those who do. Everyone is different and everyone has things they already have a good balance with.
A $20 book or an hour long meeting is a small commitment to potentially discover something incredible about yourself, even if you decide afterwards that it doesn’t apply.