Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence


True fear is a gift. Unwarranted fear is a curse. Learn how to tell the difference.A date won’t take “no” for an answer. The new nanny gives a mother an uneasy feeling. A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers unsolicited help. The threat of violence surrounds us every day. But we can protect ourselves, by learning to trust—and act on—our gut instincts.In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker, the man Oprah Winfrey calls the nation’s leading expert on violent behavior, shows you how to…

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(Update) I threw a girl out of my apartment because she was crying(r/self)

It’s unclear what’s going on here, but this pattern of behavior is disturbing. I recommend the following course of action:

  1. Get yourself checked for sexually transmitted infections now and six months from now.
  2. Get a reliable keyed deadbolt lock for your front door. You’re looking for ANSI Grade 2 or better. Also check your windows and make sure those are not easy to open or gain access to from the outside. Consider installing security film. At the very least, change your locks if she has or ever had a key.
  3. Eliminate all points of contact with this woman. Don’t answer the phone if she calls. Just let it go to voicemail, and delete without listening. Filter her emails to go straight to trash. Texts too, if possible. Do not respond to any letters or texts she sends. If she knocks on your door, do not answer. Consider getting a restraining order, but be aware this could provoke retaliation.
  4. Read Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear.

Her extremely aggressive attempt to have unprotected sex and her failure to take no for an answer is concerning. It could simply be something she wanted to do and nothing more.

It could also be that she wanted to get pregnant, transmit an STI, or allege sexual assault (and have physical evidence with which to do so). (I’m not accusing her of any of these things. I’m noting that they are possibilities you should be aware of.)

Note that if she does allege that you did something, neighbors will report seeing her extremely disturbed and upset, crying and screaming outside of your apartment after having been inside with you.

You should limit further contact with this person.

I am not a lawyer or any sort of professional. This is not legal advice.

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Gavin de Becker

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The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect Us From Violence

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(Update) I threw a girl out of my apartment because she was crying

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