Book · 2021
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
by Nedra Glover Tawwab
A therapist breaks down why people-pleasing isn't kindness and gives clients the language to say no without explaining themselves.
What does Reddit think of Set Boundaries, Find Peace?
Nedra Tawwab's book lands in r/therapists more than anywhere else — 9 of its 16 total mentions live there, which tells you something about its primary audience. Clinicians recommend it to clients who use the word "boundaries" when they actually mean burnout, codependency, or dysregulation; one r/therapists commenter (↑17) flagged exactly that gap, calling the book "wonderfully clear and simple" while noting it helps untangle terminology clients have been misusing. In r/attachment_theory (3 mentions), it shows up in reading lists for people working on fearful-avoidant and anxious patterns, often alongside titles like Nonviolent Communication and Come as You Are. r/CPTSD and r/InternalFamilySystems each carry 2 mentions; the IFS thread (↑11) credits it specifically with addressing fawn responses. Mentions peaked in 2022 with 6, then tapered. Professionals assign it; clients appreciate the vocabulary; neither group argues about it.
Community feedback & reader fit
Themes
- · Boundary-setting as a learnable skill rather than a personality trait
- · Language precision: distinguishing boundaries from burnout and codependency
- · Relational work with clients who struggle to name their own needs
- · Fawn response and people-pleasing patterns
- · Practical application over theoretical framework
Common praise
- + Therapists assign it because it gives clients the vocabulary they were missing before the first session.
- + The terminology distinctions — boundary versus burnout versus codependency — stop clients from misdiagnosing their own situations.
- + r/InternalFamilySystems readers found it directly applicable to fawn patterns even though it isn't an IFS text.
- + Shows up in curated reading lists beside Nonviolent Communication and Viktor Frankl without embarrassing itself.
Common criticism
- − Sixteen total mentions across seven years is thin for a widely-shelved self-help title — Reddit hasn't made it a discussion book.
- − The audience skews toward clinicians assigning it rather than general readers discovering it organically.
- − No counterargument threads or revisionist takes in the data — it exists in a praise-and-pass-along loop.
Who it's for
If your therapist recommended it, that's the clearest signal — this is a client-facing book first. You'll get the most from it if you keep reaching for "I need better boundaries" without being able to say what that actually means in a given relationship. Attachment-theory readers working on anxious or fearful-avoidant patterns find it useful as a companion to deeper work, not a replacement for it. If you're already conversant in IFS or somatic approaches, the material is readable in a weekend and the fawn-response framing is worth the time.
Mentions over time
Top subreddits
Which Reddit comments matter for Set Boundaries, Find Peace?
The most relevant excerpts across the subreddits where this book is mentioned — opinionated, argued takes first, then top-upvoted mentions. Click through to read the full thread.
“Save yourself now. Set hard boundaries ASAP, and stop helping her. Initiate a roommate change if it is even a remote possibility. For help setting healthy boundaries in relationships going forward, read Nedra Tawwab's "Set Boundaries, Find Peace"
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab (I hope I’m spelling her name right)
“I’ve loved (and often return to) Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, Carl Rogers’ On Becoming a Person, Virginia Satir’s The New Peoplemaking, Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker, The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris, The Choice by Edith Eger, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, Set Bounda…
“Some great ones already listed! A couple more that have stuck with me are, *Come as you are* by Emily Nigoski and *Burnout* by Emily and Amelia Nigoski *Set Boundaries Find Peace* by Nedra Glover Tawwab
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace - Nedra Glover Tawwab Wonderfully clear and simple. I do a lot of relational work and find that clients sometimes use the term "boundaries" when they really lack the language to describe a different challenge (like burnout, codependency, tools for regulating emotions). Th…
“This isn't an IFS resource, but I've found the works of Nedra Tawwab (Set Boundaries, Find Peace) and tools from CoDA (codependents anonymous) to be transformative in changing my own reflexive fawn patterns. Your IFS skills will still be valuable in implementing these other tools.
“I highly recommend a boundaries book. There is one called Set Boundaries Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab. I have anxious attachment and it’s been such a switch around for me. Plus when you start researching boundaries, boundaries not a request or asking someone to change their ways, it’s your limi…
“I’ll add one: Set Boundaries, Find Peace A GUIDE TO RECLAIMING YOURSELF By Nedra Glover Tawwab. Awesome book and really helped me set boundaries. OP, people will leave and sometimes you’ll cut them off. It’s part of the healing journey. At least you get to preserve your time, energy, and resources …
“Unfuck your boundaries by Faith Harper and set boundaries, find peace by Nedra Tawwab is good. Learning to properly set boundaries and hold yourself to them is a practice and takes work to learn to balance. But boundaries are about YOU, not other people. I want to commend you for already self refl…
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab. I also recommend her boundaries workbook for use with clients.
“Its been a wwhile since I have finished an entire book. But I loved: Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab. Written for therapists but an easy read for clients. Excellent and highly recommended.
“Pete Walker: Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Tawwab: Set Boundaries Find Peace. I listened to both of them free from the library and I think it really helped with my recovery. I think hearing reasonable people talk about these topics was almost like being parented by a normal person.
“I am a bit of book nerd and have read so many... I learned a ton about boundaries from Nedra Tawwab and her book "set boundaries, find peace". She has since come out with a workbook and card deck, along with 2 other books that I use with my clients often. Adult children of emotionally immature pa…
“After it constantly being recommended to me for 2.5 years, I started "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by Nedra Glover Tawwab. There are so many things I didn't even realize can/should be boundaries because I wasn't allowed to have them most of my life so they sure weren't being modeled for me. I recomme…
“An amazing book that puts it in very plain and helpful language is Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, Book by Nedra Glover Tawwab.
Convinced? Pick up Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Readers also mention
Books that share discussion threads with Set Boundaries, Find Peace — counted from the comments, not curated.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace — frequently asked
What does Reddit actually think of Set Boundaries, Find Peace?+
Depends on which sub you're in. r/therapists (9 mentions) treats it as a client handout — useful for giving people cleaner vocabulary. r/attachment_theory and r/InternalFamilySystems cite it as a practical add-on to deeper modalities. Nobody argues with it. Nobody rereads it and posts an update.
Is Set Boundaries, Find Peace best for clients or for therapists themselves?+
Clients. Clinicians recommend it rather than read it for their own development — the r/therapists quotes frame it as something to hand someone who keeps misusing the word 'boundaries.' If you're a practitioner looking for theory, it won't cover new ground. If you're someone who struggles to name what a boundary even is, that's exactly the gap the book addresses.
How does Set Boundaries, Find Peace compare to Nonviolent Communication on Reddit?+
They appear in the same reading lists in r/therapists and r/attachment_theory, so Reddit treats them as companions rather than competitors. NVC handles the communication mechanics; Tawwab's book handles the upstream problem of identifying what you actually need before you can communicate it. One r/therapists commenter (↑29) listed both in the same breath without ranking them.
Should I read Set Boundaries, Find Peace if I'm already doing IFS work?+
Yes, briefly. An r/InternalFamilySystems commenter (↑11) noted it addresses fawn patterns in ways that complement IFS rather than duplicate it. The book is short and the framework is distinct enough to be additive. CoDA materials were mentioned alongside it in the same thread, so if you're working on codependency specifically, pair all three rather than choosing.