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Top Books on Reddit in 2018 rank no. 26
Women who are not in the mood: What’s the best thing SO can do to improve their chances at changing that?(r/sex)
Read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It lays out the basics of responsive desire, how it works, what sorts of things act as desire accelerators, what sorts of things act as brakes. Nagoski is a PhD, and this is solid research.