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My Sister died 6 months ago and now I’m looking after both her kids(r/Parenting)
The biggest problem you are going to face in the next few months and possibly years is that these 2 kids have lost their primary attachment. So this causes a number of serious, unconscious but deep problems, which in turns triggers coping / survival mechanisms.
Unconsciously, it goes a bit like this.
First they lost their dad:
Although I don’t remember it fully, that day I learned that it’s possible to lose one of the person taking care of me. I always thoughts my parents were this incredibly powerful beneficial protective force that is forever there for me, but now I know better. If my dad can go away forever and leave me, what happens to me if it happens to my mom? Can my mom be trusted? She could leave me too. I am anxious. Is it my fault my dad died? Am i not good enough? How is it even possible that life be unfair like this? I can’t understand this. This is too much.
Then they lost their mom:
I was right to feel anxious! You can’t rely on grown ups. They abandon you. They say they will always be there, but I can’t let…