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Why do I make social plans, appreciate having made them after they’ve passed, but dread them heavily as they’re coming up?(r/NoStupidQuestions)
Anxiety is awful and is probably the villain here. It doesn’t have to be logical: some part of you is cringing about past mistakes or awkwardness and you can’t see over the protective fence your mind built.
Here’s a quote from a book by Alan Watts, The Book: On the taboo against Knowing Who You Are: “the ego is indeed a fake—a wall of defense around a wall of defense, around nothing.”
I try to remember that what I’m protecting when I dread interacting with other people is imaginary. Sometimes it works, sometimes I just avoid things. Your choice.