Most upvoted comment
HTNGAF about the girl I like hooking up with another guy?(r/howtonotgiveafuck)
Your value system says, “If this girl likes me, I like me.”
Your value system should say, “I like me, no matter what happens to me. Because some things can’t be helped, and you can’t control other people. If other people don’t like me, it’s okay, I will find people that DO like me. Everyone is free to do what they want, but this girl that I’m interested in, can do what she wants. If she doesn’t want me, it’s okay, I’ll go on to the next one.”
There’s something going on inside you that is waiting for the world to approve of you. Don’t feed that false concept. The world will fail you at some time, and you will break (as you’re doing at the moment). And the world will never approve you enough–ever.
Instead, consider a new concept. Start a new habit.
Say to yourself, “I am not OUTCOME dependent. I am process dependent.” Meaning, you don’t rely on the OUTCOME of situations to feel happy or sad–that’s reactionary. Be proactive. Rely on yourself and only yourself for your emotions. Right now, your emotions are dependent on that girl–and sooner or later, it will be another chick, and another, and you will always be sad or unfulfilled because you can’t control others. Depend on yourself to have fun, to feel good, as much as possible at any given situation.
It’s hard to change. It’s hard to be a new person that takes responsibility of their emotions. It’s hard to be proactive. But hey, being reactive to the world, depending on people to always make you feel happy is exhausting too–and as you can see, it’s not a solution to fixing the most important thing in this talk: you.
You’re not exactly broken, what’s broken is the way you relate and think about yourself. Pretend you are your own best friend. How would you treat your best friend? Would you beat them down all the time? Would you say, “hey, if that chick rejects you, you’re not shit.” O
Would you say, “Dude, she’s just one chick. And truth, you don’t know what she thinks about everything. She might have some hidden thoughts that would turn you off forever–maybe she thinks that Jews really are the source of the world’s problems, you don’t know. Maybe she picks her toes daily and doesn’t wash her hands after. Bro, just let her go, and go on about your life. Believe me, if you work on yourself and focus on being better, it gets better.”
I know which best friend I like better.
Be your own best friend, always. That’s the real issue here. Take care of yourself, I cannot state that enough. Good luck, bro.
Edit: Thank for the gold, whomever it was. I wasn’t looking for karma or gold, just trying to pass some of what has helped me. I would also like to link the following, as they were HUGE helps to me in changing my life and way of thinking.
Link 1: Check out the top comment on this post (the comment is not mine): www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_…
Link 2: This little book helped me go inside myself and deal with my demons–very important don’t skip through the book, just follow the simple instructions as if it were a manual–I know, that seems stupid, but trust me on this one: www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/vz458/selfd…
Some other suggestions: Listen to Eric Thomas, this is what got me started–You have to want it, really, really want it: www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM_7j6t9IyU
I also suggest “The Power of Habit”: www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/0…
I’ll give you the important thing about it, in case you can’t buy it: Almost everything you do is tied to a habit and you’re not aware of it. Even our thoughts. He breaks down all the scientific data on how individuals and entire societies form habits and change them.
Every habit has a cue/trigger, a process, and a reward.
Cue: Someone rejects me. Process: I feel bad, my thoughts keep spinning on why can’t they like me… Reward: I feel like shit.
However, if you don’t press the cue/trigger–you’re way less likely to play the habit out. So, if I’m tired of feeling like crap, I stop asking girls out. But then, a new habit develops–
Cue: I avoid social situations. Process: I feel bad for being “weird” in social situations. Reward: Social anxiety.
All you did was replace an unproductive habit with an unproductive habit.
As you can see, not all rewards are positive–that’s why it’s important to change our cues, process, and rewards from habits. Recognize your habits, and you’ll have more power to change them. Replace unproductive habits with ones that help you grow. If you interrupt your triggers, you change the habit easily–usually, if you’re past the trigger, your habit will take over, without you even thinking about it. This goes for our thought habits as well.
Good luck to everyone. I leave you with this, “Pain is temporary, it may last for a moment, a month, or even a year. But if you get through that pain, at the end of that pain is a reward.” Think about it like this, would you rather:
A. Hurt, keep doing the same thing, keep hurting from the misery you keep getting.
B. Hurt because you’re changing into something better. Hurt on the journey to being stronger one year from now?
It’ll be hard, very hard. Some people will not believe in you, but you’ll be better if you stick with it.
You’ll hurt either way, why not get something out of your pain? That’s the choice I made. And every human being has that power. I’ve only been doing this for a few months–but dealing with me has changed everything around me.