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Mom of a possible FtM 13 year old, help! (Dr’s, where to go for support, advice. . . .anything)(r/asktransgender)
A really basic and very important way you can support your kid is to use the name and pronouns he wants. You have no idea how painful it is to not feel respected on that basic level. It’s a constant, never-ending drip, drip, drip of “I don’t recognize you, I don’t see you, I don’t respect you, who you are is too much of an inconvenience for me, you don’t matter enough for me to do my best”. Don’t send that message; use the name and pronouns your kid wants, even if they change over time. Conversely, feeling supported in that way, especially by a parent, goes a very long way towards preventing depression and self-destructive behaviors. There are stats on this.
The book The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper is your new bible, seriously. (Yes, it talks about teens, not just younger kids.) Read it, then give it to your kid to read. There’s also a new book out for Trans youth and their families, called Where’s MY Book? by Linda Gromko, MD. I haven’t read it yet, but it looks well worth a look.
Check out t-vox.org/ and camparanutiq.org/ , too. Your kid would love Camp Aranuti’q.
Watch this great video too. It’s about Trans kids and it’s really good.
Run, don’t walk, to groups.yahoo.com/group/tyfa_talk/ and join it. It’s a wonderful parents-only group specifically for parents of Trans and gender-questioning kids who are 18 and under. There’s a lot more to it than “you should support your kid”. There’s lots for you there, even though you’re supportive. On Facebook, you can join this great group for parents of Trans and gender-expansive kids. And here on Reddit, you can check out /r/cisparenttranskid.
Trans Youth Family Allies, Gender Spectrum (and their fantastic conference), and the Trans Health conference, among other resources, will help your whole family a lot. Again, there’s a whole lot more to it all than “You should support your kid”.
As for what type of doctor: a pediatric endocrinologist who works with Trans youth. I don’t know whereabouts you are, but the nice folks at the Gender Development clinic at Lurie Children’s Hospital in Chicago, the Gender Management Services (GeMS) clinic at Boston Children’s Hospital, The Center for Trans Youth Health and Development at Los Angeles Children’s Hospital, the Genecis clinic at Children’s Medical Center Dallas, BC Children’s Hospital in Vancouver, and/or the Trans youth clinic at SickKids in Toronto can help you connect with more providers and support networks in your area for Trans children and their families, even if you’re not near any of those clinics. They do a lot of networking with groups and providers across North America and around the world.