Book · 1990
Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child
by Margaret Paul
Margaret Paul's six-step method for treating yourself like someone worth protecting, built on inner child work and the premise that self-abandonment drives most relationship pain.
What does Reddit think of Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child?
Fifteen mentions across four subreddits over seven years, split almost evenly between r/CPTSD (7) and r/attachment_theory (6), with single appearances in r/InternalFamilySystems and r/therapists. The book gets cited mostly as one entry in longer reading lists, grouped with Levine & Heller's Attached and Diane Poole Heller's The Power of Attachment rather than standing apart from them. What does distinguish it in the data: the ↑21 r/CPTSD comment that quotes Paul directly on trusting intuition about others' intentions. That reader landed on it after resisting inner child work because their therapist hadn't explained the mechanics. The ↑43 r/therapists comment treats inner bonding, IFS, ego states, and RLT as essentially the same cluster under different labels. Nobody argues it's the canonical text. The book finds readers who needed a specific entry point, not readers who needed the definitive one.
Community feedback & reader fit
Themes
- · Inner child work and self-reparenting
- · Self-abandonment as the root of relational dysfunction
- · Intuition and emotional self-trust
- · Overlap with IFS, ego states, and parts work frameworks
- · Attachment healing and counter-dependency
Common praise
- + The direct advice to trust your intuition about others' intentions — even without an explanation — landed hard for r/CPTSD readers who'd been told their responses were just hypervigilance.
- + Therapists in r/therapists slot it alongside RLT and IFS as parts-work-adjacent, which means it fits into existing clinical toolkits without friction.
- + Holds its place in r/attachment_theory reading lists alongside Attached and The Power of Attachment, which is a competitive category to survive in.
Common criticism
- − Nobody in r/CPTSD or r/attachment_theory calls it the first thing to read; it shows up after the more-discussed titles, which tells you something about its standing.
Who it's for
You've already done some therapy and your practitioner has mentioned inner child work without explaining what the mechanics are supposed to be — that ↑21 r/CPTSD comment is probably you. If you're working through attachment patterns and want something that maps onto IFS or ego-states frameworks without being strictly one or the other, this fits. People who need the definitive text in the category will be happier with Attached or The Power of Attachment; those books generate actual arguments on Reddit. Inner Bonding is for the reader who wants a quieter, step-by-step format and doesn't need the community validation.
Mentions over time
Top subreddits
Which Reddit comments matter for Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child?
The most relevant excerpts across the subreddits where this book is mentioned — opinionated, argued takes first, then top-upvoted mentions. Click through to read the full thread.
“Inner child work is what my therapist has been trying to make me do too. But I was resisting it because she did not exactly explain why I need it and how is it supposed to work. But now I understand it more and I try to take care of my inner child. Here is a youtube playlist on inner child work: […
“Here’s a general list. **On attachment** Attached - Levine & Heller The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-Dependency - Weinhold & Weinhold The Power of Attachment - Diane Poole Heller Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and La…
“I love it because it is an easy way to work with people’s feelings and experiences. I didn’t take the official trainings but took lots of others and am doing my RLT certification which is also parts work. But parts work is inner child work, is inner bonding, ego states work, etc etc etc. dick just d…
“Some of the best advice I've ever found was in Inner Bonding by Margaret Paul. It says, always trust your intuition about people's intentions towards you behind an action/words. Even if you can't explain why. I know we're all supposed to doubt ourselves because our trauma makes us hyper vigilant, et…
“It sounds like low self-esteem and low self-worth issues which can trigger the “fawn” stress response around others. I used to do this too. I thought I had really high self-esteem but it was really just a facade for me. I had no idea what I was doing most of the time but I tried to be really confi…
“Try this, it's very powerful: And check out this book: I pers…
“I was wondering the same thing recently. I think the routine of school when I was younger really helped keep me functioning on a day-to-day basis. Weekends were also full of social interaction. I had social contact with friends daily and all day long. Now we're all busy with our personal lives and w…
“I had a few sources over the last few years I watched Psychology in Seattle & got introduced to attachment theory and he explains a lot of things issues cycles using reality TV as an example in a very non judgmental and compassionate way and he also ha…
“I think EVERYONE in this sub should read or listen to “Inner Bonding” by Margaret Paul. I have adhd and trauma, too, and working through that book has changed my life. It addresses your relationship dynamic so well!
Convinced? Pick up Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child
Readers also mention
Books that share discussion threads with Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child — counted from the comments, not curated.
Inner Bonding: Becoming a Loving Adult to Your Inner Child — frequently asked
What does Reddit actually think of Inner Bonding by Margaret Paul?+
That's not dismissive. r/CPTSD (7 mentions) and r/attachment_theory (6 mentions) cite it in reading lists and personal accounts without pushback. The ↑21 comment quoting Paul on intuition is the most substantive endorsement in the data. Nobody attacks it; nobody campaigns for it either.
Is Inner Bonding worth reading if I'm already doing IFS or parts work?+
Probably redundant, but not useless. The r/therapists commenter with ↑43 upvotes treats inner bonding, IFS, ego states, and RLT as essentially the same cluster under different labels. If you've gone deep into one of those frameworks, Inner Bonding adds format variation, not new territory. If you're new to parts work entirely, it's a reasonable starting point — just not the only one.
How does Inner Bonding compare to Attached or The Power of Attachment on Reddit?+
It shows up in the same r/attachment_theory reading lists as those titles but generates far less independent discussion. Levine & Heller and Diane Poole Heller both have longer comment threads built around them specifically.
Is Inner Bonding recommended in r/CPTSD?+
Yes, with 7 mentions there — the most of any sub in the data. The use is mostly personal: readers citing it after applying its advice on self-trust or intuition. It doesn't have the footprint of something like The Body Keeps the Score in that community, but it surfaces consistently enough across 2021 to 2023 that it's not an obscure pick.