Book · 2019
The Power of Attachment
by Diane Poole Heller
A somatic-rooted guide to all four attachment styles — secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful — with exercises to pull you toward security.
What does Reddit think of The Power of Attachment?
Diane Poole Heller's approach draws on somatic and trauma-informed frameworks, which sets it apart from the pop-psych lane occupied by Levine and Heller's Attached. r/attachment_theory commenters consistently flag it for its coverage of fearful-avoidant (FA) attachment specifically — a demographic underserved by most introductory titles. One commenter (↑11) bought it precisely for its dedicated FA chapter. Another (↑8) praises it for treating all four styles without bias and with compassion, a pointed contrast to the ↑17 criticism of Attached's "hostile view of avoidant attachment." The book surfaces on r/InternalFamilySystems once, suggesting some overlap with IFS practitioners.
Community feedback & reader fit
Themes
- · Somatic and body-based approaches to healing attachment wounds
- · All four attachment styles treated with equal depth: secure, anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant
- · Practical exercises alongside theory
- · Trauma-informed framing of insecure attachment patterns
- · Overlap with IFS and other therapeutic modalities
Common praise
- + Covers fearful-avoidant attachment with a dedicated chapter most competing books skip entirely.
- + Commenters at r/attachment_theory call it compassionate toward all styles, including avoidant — no moralistic framing.
- + Includes exercises, not just explanations, so readers can work through their style rather than just name it.
- + Sits comfortably alongside somatic and IFS work, giving it a second life in therapy-adjacent communities.
Common criticism
- − One r/attachment_theory commenter (↑17) notes the book is from 2010 and calls it fine as a primer but not current.
- − With only 19 total mentions over seven years, it never escapes the specialist lane — no breakout r/relationships or r/BPD presence.
- − Some readers stall before reaching the FA chapter, suggesting the structure front-loads material that less-targeted readers may not finish.
Who it's for
You've already read Attached and felt it either ignored your avoidant patterns or made them sound like a character flaw. The Power of Attachment is the book r/attachment_theory recommends next — particularly if you identify as fearful-avoidant and keep finding that mainstream attachment titles treat FA as an afterthought. If your therapist uses somatic or IFS approaches, this fits the vocabulary. Those looking for the hard research citations and clinical mechanisms rather than exercises may want to supplement with primary literature — the 2010 publication date shows in places.
Mentions over time
Top subreddits
Which Reddit comments matter for The Power of Attachment?
The most relevant excerpts across the subreddits where this book is mentioned — opinionated, argued takes first, then top-upvoted mentions. Click through to read the full thread.
“Have you done any reading about attachment theory? I've behaved the same as you in the past, and it sounds like a disorganised attachment style (sometimes called fearful avoidant attachment). This attachment style happens when a caregiver is also a source of fear and danger. We crave intimacy, love,…
“Here’s a general list. **On attachment** Attached - Levine & Heller The Flight from Intimacy: Healing Your Relationship of Counter-Dependency - Weinhold & Weinhold The Power of Attachment - Diane Poole Heller Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and La…
“Personally, I don't recommend Attached, and it's not my favorite book out there on Attachment Theory and Styles. I feel there is honestly way better books out there on Attachment Theory and Styles. I honestly feel that Attached is also very overrated. This is just my opinion. I've read the book many…
“Practice self-soothing, put your hand over your heart & take deep, calming breaths. Remember ***this isn't a rejection of you.*** It's simply their attachment style/coping mechanisms which were firmly in place before you met. Their behavior is the culmination of their life experiences, just as yo…
“At this point the book is not very current (it's from 2010). I think it's fine as a primer, but you're right, it doesn't really get into the nuts and bolts and provides and extremely (IMO) hostile view of avoidant attachment. It also neatly elides the challenges insecure attachers have dating secure…
“Congrats OP for investing on you and your growth! In addition to checking out the links + resources provided, remember to pace yourself on your journey, be self-compassionate, patient and find time to enjoy the moments you create more freedom for yourself rather than fear. Best of luck!:) [Free T…
“Yeah, I agree. I bought The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller, as I've heard it has a dedicated chapter on FAs. But I haven't made it to that chapter yet lollll. As a non-book option, I really like Thais Gibson's resources on FA attachment. I'm working my way through a few of her FA courses…
“Struggling with the same here. Theres a book called the power of attachment by Diane Poole Heller, it elaborates on attachment styles in a kind and compassionate way. (So in that sense it’s an easy read). It provides insight, as well as exercises and suggestions to help you lean into a secure attach…
“What resonated for me might not be what everyone else needs, but I like Walker's "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving", Heller's "The Power of Attachment", and Earley's "Self Therapy". Browsing Pete Walker's website to see what strikes you as apt might be a good place to start. Or for IFS, l…
“Hi, I would really recommend The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller. It does cover each attachment style (secure, AP, DA, FA) but without any bias and with lots of compassion. I think that regardless of attachment type the whole book is really useful - if you’re an FA like me, lots of it may …
“For me, shadow work is about asking myself where the feelings/anxieties are coming from. The AP/FA attachment ends up being a LOT of ego telling lies. When I can catch myself in those “Aha!” Moments, I can get to the root of what my issue really is. I’m currently working through “Burn after writing”…
“Maybe it’s not the same as what you feel, but I have def read feminist literature that made me feel somewhat but also very bad, but also feminist literature that made me feel genuinely empowered. Stuff that made me feel empowered are books like “pussy” by regena Thomashauer, women who run with the w…
“Male survivor here. I grew up being told I was ugly and unattractive (and lots of other terrible things), and was pretty shocked when I finally understood otherwise. What I can offer is this: safety has to be something you bring to the conversation, not simply expect from the other person. This…
“Firstly, it helps to know if you're a Dismissive-Avoidant or Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganised), as there are some subtle distinctions between the two. This book has some helpful exercises and tips for all four attachment types: [
“Diane Poole Heller’s The Power of Attachment is by far the best book to describe FA! And also described DA in a very nonjudgemental way. Its very easy to read as well. (Edited)
Convinced? Pick up The Power of Attachment
Readers also mention
Books that share discussion threads with The Power of Attachment — counted from the comments, not curated.
The Power of Attachment — frequently asked
Is The Power of Attachment better than Attached for understanding fearful-avoidant style?+
For FA readers specifically, yes. r/attachment_theory commenters (↑11, ↑8) single out The Power of Attachment for its dedicated FA chapter and its even-handed treatment of all four styles. Attached gets criticized in the same community for a "hostile view of avoidant attachment" (↑17). If FA is your concern, Heller's book is the more common recommendation.
What does Reddit think of The Power of Attachment overall?+
It's a trusted specialist recommendation — people reach for it when someone asks for FA-specific or compassion-first resources — but it doesn't generate the unprompted enthusiasm that Attached does. One r/InternalFamilySystems mention suggests a small secondary audience in therapeutic practice circles.
Is The Power of Attachment outdated given it was published in 2010?+
Depends on what you need. A r/attachment_theory commenter (↑17) calls it "fine as a primer" but notes it doesn't get into the nuts and bolts and lacks the more current research. The somatic framework and compassionate framing hold up; the clinical specificity does not. Use it for orientation and exercises, then supplement with newer literature if you want the underlying research.
Should I read The Power of Attachment if I'm new to attachment theory?+
You can, but r/attachment_theory tends to recommend it as a follow-up rather than a starting point. Newcomers often land on Attached first. The Power of Attachment earns its recommendation when someone already knows their style and wants somatic exercises and compassionate coverage of all four types — especially FA. If you're brand new, either works, but context helps.